David Beckham, the Kobe Bryant of Los Angeles

By now, everyone has heard that David Beckham is coming to the United States to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy. For the thirteen people excited about this news, here are some stats to chew on:

- While playing for Manchester United, Beckham scored 86 goals in 397 games. That is 1 goal in every 4.6 games.
- While playing for Real Madrid, Beckham scored 13 goals in 183 games. That is 1 goal in every 14 games. He was paid $3.61 million per goal.
- Combining his totals in England and Spain, Beckham scored 99 goals in 580 career games in club play. That is 1 goal every 5.85 games.
- The Los Angles Galaxy’s 2006 schedule was 36 games. If he matched his Real Madrid numbers, he would be paid $3.84 million salary per goal and would equal his goal total in just over 5 years.

Compare these numbers to the current MLS all-time goal leader Jason Kreis, of Real Salt Lake.

- Kreis has 108 career goals in 301 games. That is 1 goal per 2.78 games.
- In 2006, Kreis scored 8 goals in 30 games. That is 1 goal per 3.75 games.
- In 2006, Kreis was paid $197,500. That is $24,687.50 per goal.

Yes, I know I am comparing a forward to a midfielder. But in the United States, as terrible as it may be, very few understand soccer technique, and thus value goals far more than assists. Anyone who is expecting Beckham to come in and become the greatest thing on the pitch is sorely mistaken. He is a mediocre player, and will need to shoot about 17 free kicks a game to make his play worth his salary. He’ll need a team of Christiano Ronaldo pussies around him to make that happen. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch the World Cup next time, you un-American asshole.